Will I ever...Will I ever be safe?
Will I ever be able to forget my past?
Will I ever be accepted by others and by myself?
Will I ever stop crying tears of pain?
Will I ever stop having these thoughts?
Will I ever have a day where I'm happy?
Another Day Under The Sun - 7It's the Easter holiday and I have returned home for the week. Worst decision ever. I thought it would be fun but it is shit. 100% shit. As soon as I get back everyone is congratulating my sister. yeah she won a trip to America but it's getting tiring. I am jealous of her but I'm also getting annoyed of her. She thinks that she's top shit now and that the Earth revolves around her. Well news flash, it doesn't!
I have been leading my cattle lately but I have lost interest in it. I was asked by my dad if I wanted to continue with the farm, and I said yes to at least seem like I'm still interested , but I'm not. I have no motivation to do anything. In the few days of being home I have already been called 'an embarrassment to the family', 'a fucking loser', a 'good for nothing', and a 'dumb ass that is to stupid to pass high school and be in uni'. Like always, I am being blamed for everything. Just because I woke up late, it was my fault my family had to work in the rain. It is also my fau
Parents Encouraging WordsDon't do that.
Why not do this.
You can do what ever you want to do.
But not that.
Why don't you have friends?
Hang out with these people, they seem nice.
They have tattoos and look weird, you should stay away from them.
You're weird, you hang out with the wrong people.
If you do that you will be a embarrassment.
You have embarrassed the family, good job.
You a useless, why can't you be more like this person.
You are so much better than that, what happened? are you with the wrong crowd?
Why didn't you talk to them, you're so rude.
Watch your fucking language.
You are a weird child.
Why don't you come sit with your family instead of being a loner in your room.
Another Day Under The Sun - 6I want to die. Here and now. I want my life to end. I have had enough. I've had enough of my dad judging me. I've had enough of my mum saying I can't do anything. I've had enough of my sister punching and bruising me and complaining about everything about me. I've had enough of my brother who is teasing me. Even if these bruises do fade, the feeling and emotions stay. These scars may heal, but there would be a faint wound left. I've had enough. I feel useless, I feel like shit, like i can't do anything, like... like... I'm nothing. I keep thinking that tomorrow is going to be better, but that day will never come. Every time I feel happy, something bad has to happen to ruin my day. Because of this, I believe that I can never be happy, that I shouldn't be happy. That I should leave everything that makes me happy behind because I know that I'm going to be upset. It's a curse. I want it to end. And the only thing to make that possible is for my life to end.
But I shouldn't take life so lig
In the ShadowHere i am, in the shadow of my siblings,
Watching them climb the ladder of success while I am stuck at the bottom.
As they climb further and further I hold the ladder, supporting them.
I hear words of how great they are and how much people respect them.
As their light gets brighter, mine dims.
As they get higher, I stay standing at the bottom.
More and more talk about them,
My light goes out,
My heart blackens with jealousy,
I feel useless.
What would happen if I let go of the ladder,
Would they crash and fall?
Would they be able to keep going?
Would I be forgotten?
I hold the ladder as they get higher,
While I stay standing at the bottom.
IF?If I died today, would anyone care?
If I died tomorrow, would anyone notice?
If I disappeared here and now, would anyone look for me?
If I bleed from my wounds, would anyone bandage them?
If I cried, would someone wipe my tears?
If I lose my way, would someone guide me?
If I decided to take my life, would anyone stop me?
Or would everyone pass me by like I'm a nobody?
The Person in the BackThere was a person who sat at the back of the class,
They never spoke, never raised their hand, and didnt ask questions,
They were seen looking out the window with a distant stare,
The only noise you heard from them was pen on paper.
There was a person who stood at the back of the line,
They were pushed in the hallway and outside of school,
They never spoke up and carried on like normal,
The only reaction you saw was a tear trying to escape their eye.
There was a person who laid at the front of the room,
They were the same person who sat at the back of the class,
They were the same person who stood at the back of the line,
The same person who took their own life and is now in Heaven.